"We used to love each other..."
One idea and theme that can generally come from relationship conflict and distress is the perspective that "the love is gone..." What becomes a rational question after this statement is: when did you actually know it was there? What I mean is - love is not a 'thing' ; it is not visible or tangible.
It is felt.
What becomes a mutual decision to discuss is: do I want to experience this feeling with you again?
We are human. We change. We evolve. We stagnate. We are stubborn. We are untamed. In relationships we are never in sync. This is actually the balance that is typically "fun" and "infatuating" initially, however add in time, bills, kid(s), families, and money.....and the real relationship begins.
I prefer to call it "Leveling UP" to get deeper insight and connection with each other. It is literally hitting a glass ceiling together and therapy can be the tool needed to break through it together.
Leveling UP requires a recharge of intimacy.
"I like to think of intimacy as the heat felt from a flame." - Alyssa Scott, LMHC
Imagine stoking a fire with your partner and deciding together, "this is warm enough for us..." That is building intimacy! Below are my top 2 tips to build intimacy:
Honor each other's life OUTSIDE of your relationship. I know this may seem confusing, however setting and respecting healthy boundaries for each other is essential to grow intimacy and trust. The human nature in all of us turns into personal needs such as: a hobby, recreation, social life, and general activities we feel passionate about. Having space to explore and grow allow opportunity to re-engage with each other about a new and exciting topic! It also helps each individual gain personal fulfillment which results in an overall happier person in the relationship!
Try something new - together. Stepping out of the comfort zone and norm of a relationship is an open door for sparking interest in one another. Additionally, doing something different together brings a sense of togetherness and excitement that could also lead to a stronger connection physically and sexually.
As a result, love is never exactly lost and never exits a relationship.
Love is waiting to be reactivated.
So..... the best remedy to experience love with your partner is to act on it, move to it, and feel it come through.