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5 key questions to ask your partner before you get married

Yes, it is true - no matter how many months or years you have known someone, marriage tends to the door wider for you to know each other more. Often what tends to activate the layers deep unannounced parts of one another is the fact that both individuals stopped talking. Think about it, once a decision is made & finalized, do you typically go back to revisit it?...after the decision and actions are complete?


..and such is what happens AFTER marriage: unspoken conversations that would have either prepared both parties for resolving differences that would arise, or prepare both parties to settle and separate before differences came forth. In premarital sessions, I encourage unique questions that connect to the culture, customs, and traumas within each person's families. After all, this is the baggage being brought in the marriage, so it is only right to share the details NOW so everyone has an idea of what is being brought in clean, dingy, and likely to need a hanger for the closet.

  1. Did your experience(s) with your ex support or hinder your ability to be open with me?

  2. What is the most you would be willing to spend on a pair of shoes?

  3. How important is sex to you?

  4. How did your family resolve disagreements?...Did they yell at each other, effectively discuss with one another, or shut down with each other?

  5. Can you deal with me doing things without you?

Overall, it is important to explore differences before marriages. It is easy to think the opposite - keeping the focus on what works, and ignore the contraries because it could be a threat. Here is the fact - dirty laundry piled up with no attention will begin to have a smell, and then a stink that no one can ignore anymore. Talking about differences leads to strong connection and trust to be psychology safe with your partner. Asking the hard questions makes it nearly impossible to feel isolated and misunderstood within a marriage. If you have difficulties opening up the floor to speak or answering questions asked of you, seeking a therapist could be effective step to managing the emotions, opinions, and messages being received and sent. :)

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